Yugioh Abridged
by TwistedHero
Summary: The characters of yugioh discover the abridged series. How do they react? Read to find out.
1. I’m sure nobody will take it seriously

**Disclaimer: I don't own the real show or the abridged one.**

**Author's note: I love the abridged series! It's super special awesome. I thought it would be fun if the characters saw it.**

**By the way, they have separate bodies in this story.**

Yugi was sitting in his room, surfing the internet. Surprisingly, he wasn't browsing for anything card-related. He was typing random words, to see what would come up when something caught his interest.

"Yugioh: the abridged series? I wonder what that is." he said. He clicked on the first episode.

The next day at school…..

"Where's Yugi?" wondered Tea, checking her watch. "He's usually here by now."

"He'll be here shortly. " said Yami, as he entered the class. "He was up late last night watching some show so he overslept. "

"I wonder what show he was watching." Tristan said.

"Hey everyone." Yugi greeted them as he arrived.

"Hey Yugi. What show kept you up yesterday?" Joey asked.

"Yugioh: The abridged series. It's super special awesome. You guys gotta see it. We can watch it at my house after school."

School was over quickly because, as we all know, nothing important happens there, except for the card games of course.

"Well, they got Tea's character right." said Joey after they had watched it.

"I do not act like that!" Tea shouted.

"You gotta admit, you do give a lot of friendship speeches." Tristan said.

"But not all the time!"

"Friendship speeches are her answer to everything. " Joey spoke up. "Think about all the times she used them instead of actually solving a problem."

_**Flashback 1: **_

"_Tea, the dog ate my homework!" shouted Joey. "What do I do?"_

"_You know, Joey, dogs are a man's best friend. And friends are very…." Tea droned on._

"_Here she goes again." said Tristan._

"_Since when does Joey have a dog?" Yugi wondered._

_**Flashback 2:**_

"_Tea, what pizza topping should we get?" Yugi asked._

"_You know, pizza toppings are a lot like friends. They…." she started._

"_Why can't she just answer the question?" Joey whined._

_**Flashback 3:**_

"_Tea, the kitchen's on fire!" shouted Tristan._

"_Our friendship is as bright as a flame. That's why…_

"_Get the hose!" yelled Yugi._

"_Bloody hell! My shoe's on fire!" Ryou exclaimed._

"Okay, so I make a lot of speeches." admitted Tea. "But not as many as this show suggests."

"You make more speeches than it suggests." Joey informed her.

"At least I didn't endanger my little sister!"

"You don't have a little sister. Besides, she would've been fine if she had just applied the hand break like I told her to." Joey said. "You shouldn't be complaining. They made me an idiot in the show!"

"You shouldn't be complaining either! " Tristan told him. "I'm the one that sounded like Barney the dinosaur!"

"We all have reasons to be upset. " said Yami. "Including me."

"You mean because they said you smoke marijuana?" asked Tristan.

"No, I don't care about that. But those sick bastards had me endorse a cereal. It wasn't even named after me! Plus, they exaggerated my use of the mind crush power."

"But you do use it a lot." said Yugi. "Just yesterday, you used it four times in one hour. Remember?"

_**Flashback 1: **_

"_How dare you cut in front of me?! Mind crush!"_

"_Are you sure it's safe to mind crush people when you're driving?"_

"_Of course. What could … Where did that tree come from?!"_

_**Flashback 2:**_

"_This movie is awful! Mind crush!"_

"_You can't mind crush fictional characters." Yugi said. "Can you?"_

"_It doesn't hurt to try!"_

"_Shut up! I'm trying to watch the movie!" shouted some random guy._

"_Mind crush!"_

_**Flashback 3:**_

"_Hello?" Yami said as he answered the phone. "Who is this? What do you mean you dialed the wrong number?! Mind crush!"_

"Okay, I get your point."

"I should be the most upset." Ryou suddenly spoke up. "I'm not even a main character."

"Calm down everyone. It's all in good fun." said Yugi.

"I guess. But I would hate for anyone to see it. I would be so embarrassed." Tea replied.

"I'm sure nobody will take it seriously."

**Thanks for reading. Please review. The next chapter will feature the other characters.**


	2. Isn’t today just super special awesome?

"I can't believe everyone is watching the show!" said Joey. "Now everyone treats me like I'm an idiot."

"They treated you like that before." Tea said. "But everyone thinks I'm some kind of friendship obsessed freak. No one will listen to me anymore."

"Did you say something?" asked Tristan. "Anyway, thanks to that show people keep asking me to do that barney voice. It's humiliating!"

Suddenly Ryou ran up to them. He was out of breath. "Finally I escaped them."

"Escaped who? Your fangirls?" asked Joey.

"No. They don't chase me anymore, not since they watched the abridged series."

"Then who were you running from?" wondered Tea.

"Fanboys. For some reason, everyone thinks I'm gay."

"Are you?" asked Tristan.

"No! I'm British not gay!"

"Hey, there's Yami." said Tea. "He looks mad."

"What's wrong?" Ryou asked him.

"People are treating me differently because of that show. And if Yugi says "super special awesome" one more time, I swear I'm going to banish him to the shadow realm."

"Hey, everyone." Yugi said as he showed up. "Isn't today just super special awesome?"

"That's it!" Yami lunged at him. Luckily, Joey and Tristan held him back.

"What's wrong, Yami? You're acting the opposite of super special awesome."

"He's fine." said Tea. "Let's just forget about that show, okay?"

"But I like the show."

"No one else does." They heard someone say.

"Kaiba, you saw it too?" asked Tea.

"Who hasn't seen it?"

"You're mad too?" Joey asked.

"Of course I'm mad. I don't rely on my money for everything. And I definitely don't ignore Mokuba."

"Hey big brother!"

"Shut up, Mokuba."

"Bloody hell, here come the fan boys. Gotta run!"

"Aren't the teachers going to stop them?" wondered Yugi, as they watched Ryou and the fan boys run out of the school.

"They don't care." said Tristan. "They don't even mind that we're standing here talking and not listening to them teach."

"Attention duelists! I have seen the show and my hair is not amused." said that henchman guy.

"What are you doing in our school?" asked Yami.

"I'm here to practice my child grabbing. But seeing all your hair, my hair is filled with envy, so I am leaving." He left.

"Hey, wasn't Mokuba here a second ago?" wondered Tea.

"Oh great, he's been kidnapped again." Kaiba complained.

"Who do you think kidnapped him this time?" asked Tristan.

"I kidnapped him..in America."

"Bandit Keith? What would you want with Mokuba?" asked Tea.

"I'm angered by the abridged series, so am taking out my anger by kidnapping this useless child…in America."

"If you don't like the show, why are you quoting it?" asked Yami.

"I can't stop saying in America…in America. Now I will leave." He dragged Mokuba away. "In America." Then he left.

"Aren't you going to save him?" Yugi asked Kaiba.

"He'll just get kidnapped again later." he sighed. "But I guess I have to."

"You can't just skip school. You'll get in trouble." said Tea.

"Screw the school system, I have money." And with that, he was off.

"And still the teacher doesn't do anything." Tea complained.

"That's because the teacher is super special awesome. Ow! Who threw that book?" Yugi asked as he rubbed his head. "Yami?" he asked suspiciously.

"Ryou did it."

"You can't blame me, you bloody tart. I just got here." Ryou said, as he climbed through the window.

"How did you escape the fan boys?" asked Joey.

"They were distracted by Mokuba being kidnapped for the 2,890 time."

"That's super special awesome."

"I wish I had a catchphrase. " said Joey. "Can I borrow yours, Yugi?"

"Of course, it'll be super special awesome times two. Hey Yami, why are you hitting your head against the wall?"

"The sun will set in a few hours." pointed out Tristan.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Yami asked.

"Sunsets are super special-" Yugi started.

"If you finish that sentence I will mind crush you." Yami threatened.

"You guys, we shouldn't be fighting." spoke up Tea. "Friendship is very important. Friends are..OW!" she shouted as she was hit by several books. "Who threw those?"

"He did it!" All the guys said in unison, while pointing at each other.

"So what do you guys want to do after school?" questioned Joey.

"School's ended already. " said Ryou. "I'm glad I didn't get in trouble for skipping."

"I can't believe we've been talking this whole time, and the teacher hasn't said anything."

"We should go to the arcade. It's super.." Yugi stopped talking when he notice Yami glaring at him. "Fun. That's what I was going to say. Super fun."

"Good. That phrase was getting annoying." said Yami. "Let's go."

"Superspecialawesome." Yugi whispered.

"I heard that."


	3. This is my house, you know

"Yami, what are you doing here on this super special awesome day?"

"I told you to quit saying that."

"But I can't. My catchphrase is a super special awesome part of my life. It's so important that…" he began to talk.

Yami got bored and started to think up ways to stop Yugi from using the catchphrase. _Usually my problems can be solved with a mind crush. But I can't mind crush a friend. No matter how annoying he is. What if he never stops saying it? Well two can play at that game! I'll get a catchphrase of my own! _

" And that's how my catchphrase saved the day." Yugi finished.

"Yeah whatever, can I have your catchphrase?"

"No."

"Why not? You're willing to share it with Joey but not with me?"

"Joey found his own catchphrase. It got on my nerves hearing him use mine. Do you know how annoying it is listening to someone say "super special awesome" all the time?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"I am glad you understand. That's why you're super special awesome."

"Just wait till I find my catchphrase! It'll be the catchphrase to end all catchphrases! People will walk for miles to hear it! The other catchphrases will be so jealous! Don't you agree, Yugi? Yugi?"

He glanced around the room. "How dare he leave during my dramatic speech? He'll pay for his insolence. Tomorrow, I will glare evilly at him when he's not looking. That will show him!"

"Show who?" asked Joey, as he and Tristan walked into the room.

"Never mind that. I'm glad you're here. I'm going to try out a few catchphrases, so tell me which one you like best."

"Sorry Yami, we can't stay long." said Joey.

"Why did you come here then?"

"We were just following Yugi. But we arrived later than him because we had to evade our fan girls."

"You two have fan girls?" Yami asked skeptically.

"Yup." answered Joey. "I didn't like that show at first, but now I love it!"

"Me too. It made us famous. And girls love famous guys. And I love girls."

"Then why are you running from them?"

"Because it makes us more desirable. Girls always want what they can't have." Joey replied.

"Holy 'beep' on a 'beep' sandwich!" Tristan exclaimed. "The fan girls are coming!"

"What the hell was that?" questioned Yami.

"That was my catchphrase." Tristan said proudly. "Let's go, Joey!" They ran from the room. But then Joey stuck his head through the door. "Brooklyn Rage!" he shouted. "That's my catchphrase., in case you wanted to know."

"I didn't." But Joey had already left.

"You didn't what?" asked Tea.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was following Yugi. But I guess he left."

"Forget Yugi. I need your help picking a catchphrase. I need you to tell me which one sounds the best."

"Okay."

"My first choice is "ultra mega fantastic". What do you think?'

"…….."

"What about "Egyptian rage? Or Holy 'beep' on a 'beep' pizza?

"……."

"I got it! What about " screw the rules, I have tri-colored hair…in Egypt."

"You don't need a catchphrase. You're Yugi's sexy alter-ego." Tea told him.

"But I can't just get by with my super sexy looks. Actually I can. But I still have to destroy that show. Will you help me?"

"Sorry, but I like that show."

"I thought you hated it!"

"I did, but then I was named president of the friendship club. They like my friendship speeches."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Anyway, I have to leave. I'm also the president of the Yami/Yugi fan club. It's for girls who can't choose between you two."

"I have a fan club? Then why aren't I being chased by girls?"

"They're afraid of being mind crushed. But maybe if you used the power of friendship…" she said, starting one of her famous speeches.

Yami shoved her out the door. "Get out so I don't have to listen to you. I mean so you're not late to your meeting." He locked the door. "There, now no one else can come in."

Suddenly, the door was unlocked from the outside. Ryou walked in.

"How did you unlock the door?" asked Yami.

"I used the key. This is my house, you know. How did you get in?"

"It's a long story. Want to help me destroy that abridged show?"

"No, but thanks for asking."

"I thought you hated it! It portrayed you as a limey fruitcake."

" I was offended at first. But then I got a call from a television network. They want me to star in their new show "Zorc and pals."

"Isn't Zorc the star? Or Bakura?"

"They're my costars. The producers wanted me in the show because they think it'll get more viewers that way."

"Yeah, more limey viewers." Yami muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. By the way, do you have a catchphrase?"

"Yes. Actually, every British expression I use is considered a catchphrase."

"You have more than one?! That's not fair!" He walked to the door. "I will now leave dramatically to do sexy alter ego stuff."


	4. I took the citizenship test…in America

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated for so long. Technical difficulties. My computers screwed up. Anyway, thanks for the reviews.**

"I have gathered you here today so we can discuss how to destroy that show." said Yami. "But first each of you will introduce yourselves and tell us why you're here."

"But we all know each other already."

"Shut up Mokuba. You go first Duke. Why are you here?"

"I'm here because you told me this was a dice convention."

"I lied. I can do that because I'm a sexy alter ego. Now, why do you hate the show?"

"I don't hate the show. It portrays me in all my sexy glory. And it gave me an equally sexy song."

"Well I'm glad you're happy." said Mai. "I was portrayed as talking breasts."

"What was that?" asked Yami. "I was too busy ogling your cleavage to listen."

"That's my point! There's more to me than just breasts. I wish people would stop staring at my chest!"

"If you want people to stop staring, then stop walking around in such skimpy clothes. " said Kaiba. He glanced around. "Who kidnapped Mokuba this time?"

"It was me. I'm taking him away in my fabulous helicopter." said Pegasus, from the inside of his fabulous helicopter. Mokuba was also inside it.

"Your helicopter is no match for the Kaiba-copter."

"I'm saved!" said Mokuba happily. He turned to Pegasus. "Screw your fabulous helicopter, I have a big brother."

"Shut up Mokuba, this doesn't concern you. And if you use my line again, I'll sue you."

"You would sue your own brother?" asked Mai. "That's immoral."

"Screw morals, I have money." With that he was gone.

"Why is Pegasus kidnapping Mokuba again?" wondered Duke.

"Because it's his turn…in America." said Bandit Keith.

"Are you telling me that you villains take turns kidnapping Mokuba?"

"Yes. We're trying to see who can keep him the longest. Pegasus is in the lead so far….in America."

"That doesn't surprise me. He probably has tons of experience imprisoning young children. " said Yami. "By the way could you quit saying "in America"? We all know you're really Canadian."

"Not anymore. I took the citizenship test…in America."

"Well if we're not going to do anything, I'm leaving." said Mai.

"Don't leave. We were just about to discuss ways to destroy the show."

"I know. " said Duke. "We could challenge the creator to play my newest game: Forest Dice Monsters."

"What are the rules?"

Duke explained the rules to them. "Doesn't it sound wonderful?"

"It sounds exactly the same as Dungeon Dice Monsters."

"Well it's not."

"What's the difference?"

"This game is set in the forest."

"So it's exactly the same?"

Duke was about to answer, when Ryou walked into the room. "What the bloody hell are you doing in here?"

"We're having a meeting."

"Well you can't have it here."

" America is a free country. We can have a meeting anywhere we want…in America."

"We're not in America!"

"It's none of your business where we meet anyway. "

"Of course it's my business. This is my house!"


	5. I’m here for my helicopter!

Since his meeting went horribly, Yami had decided to deal with the show on his own. But so far he hadn't come up with any good ideas.

"I know. I'll watch some TV. That might give me some ideas. " So, he flipped on the TV.

"_I am going to destroy the world." (Laughter.) "With the aid of my sidekicks, Human Furby and Limeyman, no one can stop me!"_

"_That's where you're wrong! It is my duty as Super Special Awesome Man to stop you using my super special awesome powers."_

"Since when is Yugi in this show?!" shouted Yami. "That should be me using my sexy alter ego powers to save the world!"

He flipped the channel.

"_Today on the friendship channel, I will be talking about the importance of friendship!"_

"Tea's on TV too?" He flipped through more channels. "Serenity's driving lessons for the blind? Devlin's Dice Show? Screwing the rules with Seto Kaiba? Dueling with the stars? Does everyone have a show but me?! This is getting ridiculous! This is all Yugi's fault! Why did he have to find that show?"

"You're being too harsh on him."

"Pegasus? What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you that. This is my house."

"I needed someplace to go and Ryou changed the locks on his door."

"Why not stay at your own house?"

"Because Yugi is there. "

"And that's bad?"

"He can get really annoying."

"Well, I'd love to switch places with you. Yugi is such an interesting child."

_Note to self: Keep Pegasus away from Yugi. _Yami thought to himself.

"How did you get to my fabulous island anyway?"

"I stole..I mean I borrowed the Kaiba-copter."

"Well, my show's about to start. Let's watch it."

"You have a show too?"

"Yes. It's called _The Art of being Fabulous_."

"I'm outta here. I should probably return the Kaiba copter. I don't want to get sued. Being a super sexy alter ego has its advantages, but it wouldn't help in a court of law. Unless the judge is a fan girl."

"Don't bother returning it. Kaiba will be here shortly to rescue Mokuba."

"You kidnapped Mokuba again?"

"Yup. He's tied up in my fabulous basement." He glanced through the window. "Here comes Kaiba."

Kaiba burst through the door. "I'm here for my helicopter!"

"Don't you mean your brother?"

"Him too. But the Kaiba copter is much more valuable."

After a bit, they were on the Kaiba copter heading back to Domino City.

"You're not going to sue me, are you?"

"No. I'm far too rich to waste my time suing people. My time is better spent inventing useless gadgets for a children's card game."

"Don't you have any free time?"

"Of course. I use that time to remind all the moneyless losers of my immense wealth by walking around in my sexy trench coat while carrying my immensely important briefcase."

"Hmmm.."

"What is it?" asked Yami.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something."

Meanwhile in Pegasus's basement…

"I hope big brother rescues me soon. It's dark and scary in here."

Back at the Kaiba-copter…

"Oh well, it's probably nothing."

"Are you sure? Maybe you should try to remember."

"Screw remembering, I-"

"have money. I get it already."

"I also have a sexy trench coat and an immensely important briefcase."

Yami sighed. _I need to do something about that show and fast. I can't take it anymore._


	6. Cats can’t play basketball

After getting back from Pegasus's island, Yami had no choice but to go back to his house.

"Hello? Yugi?" he called as he entered. There was no answer.

"I guess he's not here. " He went into the living room and sat on the couch.

"What am I going to do? I still don't know how to deal with that show. And now I can't even watch real TV because everybody has a show but me!"

Suddenly the phone rang. "Hello?" Yami said when he picked it up.

"Hello Yami, it's me, Mai."

"Mai? Why are you calling?"

"I want you appear on my talk show."

"Me? On TV?"

"Yes. Will you do it?"

"Of course! When?"

"Tomorrow at three. I'll see you there!"

"See ya." He hung up.

"Let it be known that on this day, I ,Yami, aka Atem, aka Yugi's sexy alter ego, aka the pharaoh of Egypt, aka the king of games, aka the master of the mind crush, aka the hottest ballet dancer ever, aka the guy that got the highest score in Tetris, was invited to appear on a TV show!"

He picked up the remote. "Now, I don't mind watching others on TV." He flipped it on. "Yay, Japan's next top model is on!" He cheered. "Jeez, where do they find these girls? I would look better in that than her. In fact, I would look pretty damn hot in a bikini."

"Hey, what's up?" greeted Joey as he and Tristan entered the room.

"Hey guys. Where's Yugi?"

"He's filming some cereal commercial." Tristan answered.

"You're watching Japan's next top model?" asked Joey. "That show's boring." He took the remote. "There must be something better on." He flipped through the channels until he found something interesting. "I love this movie!"

"Me too!" said Tristan. "It's the most amazing thing!"

"I know. I mean, how does he do it?"

"You find that amazing?" wondered Yami. "For god's sake, I have shadow powers, and I saved the world on numerous occasions. Yet, you find "Air Bud" more fascinating than me?"

"But the dog can play basketball!" protested Joey.

"And he does it without hands! It's unbelievable!"

"I bet I could play basketball if I was a dog."

"But Yami, you would be a cat because Egyptians worshipped cats." Joey informed him.

"Well then, I'd be the sexiest basketball playing cat ever."

"Cats can't play basketball, they're too small."

"Dog person!"

"Well, they are a man's best friend."

"How would you know? You don't have a dog!"

"I used to! But he ran away while Serenity was walking him."

"Serves you right for making your blind sister walk your dog."

"It's her own fault! She wouldn't have to walk if she had just followed my driving instructions. Darn broad kept running all the stop signs and red lights."

"She's blind, you moron!"

"That doesn't give her the right to break the law!"

"Joey, we have to leave now. It's almost time for our show." Tristan spoke up.

Joey glanced at his watch. "You're right. Let's go!"

"See ya later!" Tristan called as they left.

"They have a show too? Oh well, it doesn't matter because tomorrow I make my TV debut. I should watch some talk shows to find out how I should behave."

A few hours later…

"I think that's enough research. Time to go over my notes." He glanced at the post-it note in his hand. "Okay, I think I have all the important stuff down. Let's see, 1. Invent sob story to win over the audience. 2. Make a dramatic scene. 3. If all else fails, cuss loudly and throw chairs."

He stood up. "I should take a shower and then pick out my clothes for tomorrow. I want to look my best. " He headed to the bathroom. "Yugi had better not used up all of the L' Oreal shampoo."


	7. What is this, The Dr Phil Show?

"Welcome to my show! I'm Mai Valentine." People in the audience start clapping.

"Today, we will be looking at the relationships between siblings and also yamis and hikaris." More applause.

"But first, everyone check under your seats!" Everyone in the audience reaches under their seats and discovers keys. "You're all getting free helicopters!"

Everyone in the audience starts cheering loudly.

"Time to introduce our guests. First the siblings, Kaiba and his brother Mokuba, Joey and his sister Serenity, and Marik and his sister Ishizu."

The guests took their seats. "Please introduce yourselves and tell us your likes, dislikes and anything else you feel is important."

"Wait, you just introduced us. Do we really have to say our names?" asked Ishizu.

"Yes, you do."

"Why?"

"Because it's my show."

"Fine. My name is Ishizu. I like seeing the future and saving my brother from his dark alter ego. I dislike evil alter egos, and certain talk show hosts."

"Are you talking about me?" asked Mai.

"No, I'm talking about Oprah."

"Oh, okay then. Because if you were talking about me I'd have to kick you off my show."

"Really? In that case I was talking about you. I had a vision that this show wouldn't go too well anyway."

"Security! Get this wannabe Miss Cleo out of my studio!"

"What did you just call me?!"

"You heard me. I bet you're not even a real psychic!"

Ishizu was about to lunge at her but was caught by the security guards. "At least I'm useful! You're not even an important character!" she shouted as she was dragged away.

"I'm important! I'll have you know I'm the token hot girl of the series! Why else would I have such a huge chest?"

"I can think of several good reasons." said Marik.

"It's not your turn to talk. Anyway, your sister left, so you have to go too." There were protests from the females in the audience. "Calm down, he'll be back for the yami/hikari portion of the show."

Marik walked to the exit. "I'll leave, but remember…" he cleared his throat, " I'll be back." he stated, using his best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.

"Don't hog my screen time with bad Terminator impressions!" shouted Mai. She turned to the remaining guests. "Now, please do the introductions."

"I'm Serenity Wheeler. My favorite thing to do is spend time with my brother. I dislike the times when I'm not with my brother." The audience let out an "awwwww".

"Joey Wheeler's the name, faking a Brooklyn accent is my game. Anyway, I like following Yugi around and doing whatever he's doing. I also like using the same strategy in card games over and over. I dislike school even though we never do anything there, because I'm the tough guy of the series. Also, I like to beat people up."

"I'm Mokuba. I like-"

"Shut up Mokuba. I'm Seto Kaiba. I like being rich, screwing the rules, wearing sexy trench coats and being rich. I dislike people, especially people that beat me in children's card games. That means you, Yugi. "

"Okay. Now that the introductions are done, let's talk about our feelings ."

"What is this, The Dr. Phil Show?" asked Kaiba. "I refuse to talk about my feelings."

"Fine. We'll start with Joey and Serenity. Joey, what do you think is the biggest problem in your relationship?"

"Well, sometimes I feel like she doesn't listen to me."

"I know how you feel. No one listens to me either."

"Shut up Mokuba. Like I was saying, Serenity never takes my suggestions. Like when I tried to teach her to drive. I told her to avoid the orange cones, but does she listen? No. Or that one time I sent her to buy the groceries. I gave her a shopping list, but does she read it? No."

"So your failure to communicate is causing trouble in your relationship?"

"Yeah. And she's always breaking the law. That's why I'm broke, I have to pay bail all the time. Just yesterday, she got arrested."

"I'm sorry Joey, I didn't mean to break the law."

"Didn't mean to? The sign clearly said "No walking on the grass". "

"I didn't see it."

"How could you not see it? It was huge. You'd have to be blind not to see it."

"I am blind."

"We've been over this before. You can't blame your criminal tendencies on faulty eye-sight."

"You're right. I'm sorry brother."

"I forgive you." They hugged and the audience went "awwwww" again.

"Glad to see your problems are solved." said Mai. "Now, let's work on Kaiba and Mokuba."

"I think-"

"Shut up Mokuba. Kaiba, what do you think about your relationship with your brother?"

"Well, it's pretty decent considering we never spend any time together."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too busy trying to beat Yugi in a children's card game and Mokuba's always getting kidnapped."

"Did you ever think of installing some sort of tracking device in him so you'd know his location at all times?"

"I did, but I'm far too rich to be expected to do anything that doesn't involve children's card games."

"How do you feel about this Mokuba?"

"I feel-"

"Sorry, you're out of time. That ends the sibling portion of the show. Next we will be taking a look at the yami/hikari relationship. Right after these messages."

**Sorry it took forever to update! I promise to get the next chapter up soon. Anyway, Yami wasn't in this chapter at all. Don't worry though, he'll be in the next one.**


	8. There’s a show about a British gecko?

"Welcome back. Before the break, we took a close look at the sibling relationship. Now, we will be looking at the yami/hikari relationship." said Mai. " Put your hands together for our guests."

Yami, Yugi, Ryou, Bakura, Marik, and Malik took their seats as the audience applauded.

"Now, the guests will tell us their names, likes, dislikes, and other important junk. The hikaris can go first."

"Hi everyone, I'm Yugi. I like playing card games, watching shows about card games, reading about card games, and pretty much anything to do with card games. They're super special awesome. I dislike things that don't involve card games."

"I'm Ryou. I like being British, using British expressions, and drinking tea. I dislike being called a limey. Did I mention that I'm British?"

"You already know my name, since Mai introduced me during the first half of the show. But I'll say it anyway. It's Marik. I like plotting to take over the world, riding my motorcycle, and plotting to take over the world. I dislike not ruling the world."

"You said "plotting to take over the world" twice." Mai pointed out.

"That's because it's twice as important as everything else."

"Whatever. Continue with the introductions."

"I'm Malik. I enjoy being evil. I also like Dane Cook. He's funny. I dislike everything, but I especially hate unicorns, rainbows, and fluffy animals."

"I'm Yami. Otherwise known as Atem, the great pharaoh. A small number of you may know me as Fred. I like long walks on the beach, candle lit dinners, winning card tournaments, and dressing in leather. I dislike not having a catchphrase."

"I'm Bakura. I like stealing, banishing people to the shadow realm, and terrorizing innocent civilians. I despise the world and everything in it. Except knives. I like knives."

"Okay then. Let's talk about our feelings." Mai said.

"Feelings?" asked Bakura. "I didn't come here to talk about my feelings. I came here to swear loudly and throw chairs!"

"This isn't Jerry Springer! On my show, we express our anger with pillows."

"So we beat each other with pillows? Can I fill mine with bricks?" Bakura asked.

"If he gets to fill his pillow with bricks, then I get to fill mine with needles." said Marik.

"The pillows aren't for beating each other. You're supposed to hit the pillow to get rid of your anger. It's a therapeutic method."

"But beating a poor, defenseless pillow is so not super special awesome."

"We're getting off topic here. You're supposed to be talking about what it's like to have a yami or hikari."

"Well, I think it's super special awesome. Yami and I are super special awesome friends."

"So you like being a hikari?"

"Of course. It's nice to know that I have a sexy alter ego to help me cheat at-I mean win card games using my super special awesome deck that I stole- I mean that Joey gave me."

"That phrase is so annoying." said Bakura. "Super special awesome this, super special awesome that."

"It is not! Everyone loves my catchphrase." Yugi retorted.

"Everyone loves my catchphrase." Bakura mimicked.

"It's true!"

"It's true!"

"Quit saying what I'm saying!"

"Quit saying what I'm saying!"

"Bakura, stop mocking Yugi. Are you trying to cause trouble?" Yami said.

"Of course I'm trying to cause trouble. I'm evil, remember?"

"Well, stop it or else."

"Or else what?"

Yami thought for a bit. "Or else I'll mock Ryou."

"Big deal. Like you could ever pull off a British accent."

"I can." Yami cleared his throat. "Look at me, I'm Ryou." he started in a really bad accent. "I'm British and I do British things like drinking tea and eating scones and embroidering stuff and whatever else British people do."

"That was the worst British accent I ever heard." Ryou remarked. "And that was racist."

"What do you mean it was racist?" Yami asked. "You say that all the time."

"I'm allowed to say it because I'm British."

"Is it true? Do you hate the British, Yami?" asked Mai. The audience gasped in shock and started talking amongst themselves.

"Of course not! I love British people!" Yami shouted. "I even watch that show about the British gecko everyday!"

"There's a show about a British gecko?" asked Ryou.

"Yes." answered Yami. "I'm surprised you haven't seen it. They show it, like, five times a day."

"What is it about?"

"It's about a gecko that sells car insurance."

Everyone started laughing.

"Umm..You mean the geico gecko? That's not a show. It's a commercial." said Mai.

"So that's why the episodes were so short."

"You can't even tell a commercial from a show. That's common sense."

"Let's get back to the actual show." said Mai. "It's almost over."

"Thank Zorc. It was really boring." muttered Bakura.

"I have an idea. " Malik spoke up. "Chair fight!" He picked up a chair and threw it at Yami, who dodged it just in time.

"Yeah! Get the pharaoh!" shouted Bakura, also throwing a chair.

"I'm too sexy to be pelted with foldable plastic chairs!" yelled Yami, ducking. "Throw them at Yugi instead!"

"Hey! That is so not super special awesome!"

"Stop it!" shouted Mai. "Everybody calm down! Noo, not the sofa! It's leather!" She ducked behind sofa to avoid being hit by anything. "At least I'll get high ratings. Television viewers love senseless violence."

While Mai was hiding, Yami, Yugi, and Ryou were trying to sneak out. "It's just like Jerry Springer." commented Yugi. "Except no one's swearing."

"Give back my damn couch!"

"Spoke too soon."

"Ryou, how do we get out of here?" asked Yami.

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you have the most experience in running away."

"Good point. Follow me. I've picked up a few tricks while escaping my fangirls and boys."

A few minutes later, after crawling through several vents, climbing over a brick wall, and playing a card game, they were at Ryou's house.

"Was the card game really necessary?" asked Yami.

"Of course. It wouldn't be Yugioh without card games." answered Yugi.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I'll be going on any talk shows any time soon. I don't even want to watch one."

"Me too. From now on, I'll stick to watching the card game channel. And the watching paint dry channel." said Ryou.

"Speaking about the watching paint dry channel, did you hear about the special next week?" asked Yugi.

"You mean the one where blue paint dries?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to watch it."

"Me neither. How long do you think it will take to dry?"

"Who knows? That's the exciting thing. Nobody knows when it will dry."

"Yeah. I love how the show keeps you guessing."

"This is awful." Yami suddenly said. "I haven't destroyed the show, I still don't have a catchphrase, and my TV debut was a disaster. What else could go wrong?"

Bam!!

**Cliffhanger! That was a long chapter. Anyway, I'll update as soon as I can.**


	9. I bought it on Ebay

**Author's note: Sorry, I haven't updated for a while. School keeps me busy. Anyway, R&R.**

Yami, Yugi, and Ryou ran outside to see what had caused the noise. What they saw was a flaming, upside-down dragon-shaped car.

"That's what I get for letting Mokuba drive the Kaiba-mobile." Kaiba muttered as he emerged from the car.

"Sorry, big brother. " apologized Mokuba, as he also exited the car.

"Hey, how come you guys aren't hurt?" wondered Yami.

"Yeah, your car flipped over and burst into flames. " Yugi added. "You should at least have a scratch."

"Fools. We're protected by 4kids dubbing. " Kaiba anwered. "They can't show people getting hurt. It'll have a bad psychological effect on the young, impressionable viewers."

"Isn't worse to teach them that crashing a car will not hurt you? What if they try it?" asked Ryou.

"Ryou, have some faith in the viewers. " said Yami. "I'm sure they're not complete idiots."

"Wow!" exclaimed some random kid. "Crashing a car is totally safe. Let's try it!"

"Yeah!" said his friend, as they walked away.

"Wait!" yelled Yami. "That's dangerous! How about instead you play card games using sharp and highly flammable duel disks?" But the kids had already left.

Yami turned to Kaiba. "Way to endanger the youth of Japan. Anyway, why are you here?"

"I'm here to inform you of the newest tournament that will start next week."

"Another tournament? I'll just beat you again."

"But this time I have a secret weapon."

"Is it a another god card?" asked Yugi.

"No. It's a super secret card of doom. It's so rare, there's only one in the entire world. And I get it because I'm rich."

"Where did you get such a rare card?"

"I bought it on E-bay."

"Well, you still won't be able to beat me. " bragged Yami. "And do you know why?"

"Because you cheat?" asked Kaiba.

"Well, that too."

"Because you believe in the heart of the cards?" asked Mokuba.

"No, it's because I'm the main character. I always win. Except for that one time. And that other time. Okay, so I lost a few times but those don't count. I'm invincible!"

"Well, I'm rich. So there." Kaiba said. "I'm leaving now. Let's go, Mokuba."

"But the car's trashed. How will we get home?"

"I'll call for a Kaiba-copter. And when we get home, you are grounded."

"Why?"

"You destroyed one of my Kaiba-mobile. Now, I only have 587 left. Also, you leave your "My little pony" dolls everywhere. And you took the last soda. And-"

"Shut up, Seto."

Everyone gasped. "Did you just tell me to shut up?" asked Kaiba.

"Sorry, big brother. It just slipped out."

"Oh, no! You're going through that "rebellious" phase." Kaiba concluded. "Good thing I'm prepared for this. I just hope the guys back at the lab finished that microchip."

"What microchip?" wondered Mokuba. "What're you going to do to me?"

"Don't worry. The procedure will be painless."

Yami and the others were still in shock. "Mokuba told Kaiba to shut up, Ryou's getting lots of screen time, and Yugi hasn't said "super special awesome" for ten whole minutes. It's a sign of the apocalypse!"

"That is super specially awesomely weird." said Yugi.

"Hey, the copter's here." Ryou remarked.

"Let's go Mokuba."

"Yes, big brother." They climbed into the copter.

"Don't forget about the tournament!" shouted Kaiba.

"I won't!" called Yami. "Wait, you haven't told me where it is!"

"The location is listed on my myspace page. It's under the username Screw_the_rules. And be sure to comment on my new pictures." he shouted as the copter flew away.

"So, what should we do now?" wondered Ryou.

"I guess we should check his page." Yugi replied.

"Okay, let's go."

A few minutes later…

"Why won't this stupid thing turn on?!" yelled Yami.

"Is it plugged in?" asked Ryou.

"Of course it's plugged in! Why would I unplug the computer?"

"Calm down Yami. " said Yugi. "Why don't you call tech support? I have the number right here."

"Okay. I'll do that." So, Yami took picked up the phone and dialed the number.

"Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your call is very important to us. " said a robotic female voice. "Please wait while we transfer you to a technician."

"I'm on hold. But I'm sure it won't take long."

One hour later…

"Maybe you should hang up and try again." suggested Ryou.

"Oh wait, I got someone." said Yami. "Hello?"

"Hello, thank you for calling tech support. What seems to be the problem?" asked a guy with a very thick accent.

"My computer won't turn on."

"Is it plugged in?"

"Yes, it's plugged in."

"Have you tried pressing the on button?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I pressed it!"

"Press the following keys: y, u, k, n, v, 7, 9, 00, space, control, alt, delete, and enter."

"How will that help?"

"Please, just press the keys sir."

"Fine….Okay I pressed them. It didn't do anything.'

"Please wait while we try to fix the problem here."

"How can you fix my computer there? Where are you anyway?"

"India."

"India? Have you had computer training? Have you ever even used a computer?"

"…..No."

"Then how could you possibly know how to fix a computer?"

"I just read what's on the paper in front of me. Tech support doesn't actually work. Don't you read the computer instruction manual?"

"No. It's in Spanish. Now, fix the computer or you're getting a mind crush!"

"No hablo espanol. Thank you for calling and have a nice day."

"What? Don't hang up! Damn. I guess we have to buy a new computer. Unless we can find someone that speaks Spanish."

"We can put an ad in the newspaper." suggested Yugi.

"Or we could just call Kaiba and ask where the tournament will be." stated Ryou.

"That's brilliant!" said Yami. "I guess British people aren't useless after all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" demanded Ryou.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Now, do any of you know Kaiba's number?"


	10. I thought you were a hobo

**Author's note: Sorry it took so long. By the way, there was a reference to Foamy in the last chapter. Love that squirrel! Anyway, enjoy.**

"Maybe we can look up his number in the phonebook." suggested Ryou.

"Silly British boy, nobody uses phonebooks anymore."

"Actually, I think grandpa has one." said Yugi.

"Then why are we just standing around here? Let's go find your grandpa."

"I'm right here." Yugi's grandpa said. "I've been with you for the last half hour."

Yami stared at him. "I thought you were a hobo."

"Me too." said Yugi. "Anyway, do you have a phonebook?"

"No. I'm not that old. Why do you need a phonebook ?"

"We need to find Kaiba's number so we can find out where the next tournament is."

"Another one? But he always loses."

"I know, but he says he has a super special awesome card this time."

"He always has some secret card. Where'd he get this one?"

"Ebay."

"I love Ebay. You know, that's where I got your millennium puzzle."

"I thought you found it in my tomb." said Yami.

"Nope. Bought it on Ebay."

"Wow. It must have cost a fortune." Yugi remarked.

"Actually, it only cost twenty bucks."

"What?" shouted Yami. "Some mortal sold my precious artifacts for only twenty bucks? That definitely calls for a mind crush."

"Calm down. I'm sure the millennium ring was cheap too. Right Ryou?"

"Not really. It was almost five hundred dollars."

"Really? Then why was the puzzle so cheap?"

"Maybe it was defective?" wondered Yugi.

"What do you mean defective?" shouted Yami.

"Honestly, kids are so ungrateful these days." said Yugi's grandpa. "Back in the old days, getting possessed by ancient Egyptians cost thousands."

"Is it just me or are we way off topic?" asked Ryou.

"You're right. We should focus on getting Kaiba's number." said Yugi.

"Why don't you just go to his house and ask him? Doesn't he live nearby?"

"Okay. We're going." announced Yami.

Yami, Yugi, and Ryou left the house.

"So, anyone know where the house is?" asked Yugi.

"Nope."

Not a clue." Yami sighed. "We'll split up. Yugi, you go that way. Ryou will go the other way. And I'll stay here in case Kaiba shows up again."

"That sounds reasonable. Well, I'll be going then." Ryou ran off into a random direction.

"I guess I should go to."

Yami nodded. "Don't get lost on the way."

"Don't worry. If I get lost, I'll just tell you where I am." shouted Yugi as he left.

"Now I'll just sit here and wait." Yami sat down on a nearby bench. "This is the perfect time to think up a way to get rid of that show." He thought for a while. "Maybe I can get really rich and buy the rights to the show. That's it! But how can I get rich?" He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "The stock market? No, too risky. Offer my body to scientific research? No, I might become some kind of mutant, like that clown I killed. Maybe I can sell Yugi's grandpa on eBay? I could say he's a mummy. Then again kids aren't interested in mummies anymore. I could sell Ryou to a host club. " He thought about that for a minute. "Yes, that'll work. Plus he'd have male and female clients, so that's double the profit! Best plan ever!"

Suddenly, something hit the back of his head. "Who threw that? You're definitely getting a mind crush!" But when he turned nobody was there. He noticed a crumpled piece of paper on the ground. He picked it up and opened it. There was a message inside.

_We want to help you destroy the show. Meet us at that abandoned building tonight. You know, that one warehouse near the school. _


	11. Look, a shiny implement of death

**Author's note: Sorry for the really long hiatus. From now on, I will be updating every Tuesday.**

Yami walked to the warehouse door. It was finally time to meet his new allies. Earlier that day, he had planned his dramatic entrance. Unfortunately, he didn't have the money to rent a blimp and he was unable to find any fireworks. So he had to settle with the cheap dramatic entrance of simply kicking the door open. He didn't count on the door being locked though. With a sigh, he lifted his hand and knocked.

There were some loud noises from the inside. He heard a crash, a yell, and a cat screech before the door opened.

He walked in confidently. "I'm here to kick ass and play cards. But I accidentally left my deck with Yugi, and he's not answering his cellphone. I was going to buy some cards but Yugi's grandpa wouldn't give me a discount. Long story short, I'm all out of cards."

"You're not here to play cards. You're here to destroy a popular internet show."

Yami looked in the direction of the voice to see a pair of glowing red eyes staring back. "Who are you? Come out of the shadows."

"Very well." Suddenly the theme song from Dora the Explorer began to play. "I said song number nine!"

"Is this really necessary?" asked a voice from the other side of the room.

"Yes! Do it!" There was a click and then organ music began to play. A spotlight shone down to reveal…

"Rebecca?!" exclaimed Yami. "My allies are a little girl and her stuffed bear?"

"Hey! Don't forget that I beat you at a children's card game before. That clearly proves that I'm better than you."

"You didn't beat me; I surrendered."

"I don't recall that."

"But it happened. Do you honestly believe that an adult could lose to a mere child at a children's card game?"

"Enough!" called the voice from the other side of the room. It was Ishizu. "I'm not happy about this either but you three are the only ones willing to help."

"What do you mean 'you' three?" asked Yami. "It's only me and Rebecca."

"Don't forget the bear."

"You're kidding. Honestly Ishizu, you're supposed to be one of the few smart people around here. Are you telling me that a stuffed bear counts as an ally?"

"Foolish mortal, how dare you question my power?" yelled the teddy bear in an eerie demonic voice.

"What the hell? You're actually alive?" asked Yami. "That's unbelievable!"

"You're an ancient pharaoh resurrected to play children's card games, you regularly save the world using shadow powers, you know people that can read minds, steal souls and see the future and yet you find a sentient teddy bear unbelievable?" Ishizu questioned.

"Yes. Yes I do."

Ishizu sighed and placed her hand on her forehead.

"Did you just face palm at _me_? You're just asking for a mind crush!"

"You won't mind crush me."

"How do you know I won't?"

"I can see the future."

"Oh yeah, then what's going to happen in my future?"

"You'll be dueling some children in a card game academy."

"Why in the world would I be playing a children's card game with children? And why would anyone build a school for card games? That's ridiculous. What about regular school? You know the ones, where kids actually learn things in the five minutes they're not dueling?"

"Silence puny mortals! We have a mission to accomplish."

"Calm down bear. I already have a few ideas."

"My name is not bear! It is Teddy Lucifer Satan Percival Ruxpin and you shall address me as such."

"Whatever. Now let me tell you about my ideas." Yami said. "Wait, what do you have against the show?"

"It's making people aware of my evil nature and plans of world domination."

"Holy Ra, you're plotting to take over the world?"

"No. What gave you that idea?"

"You just said it."

"No I didn't."

"But-"

"Your hair looks nice."

"I know." Yami said proudly, running a hand through his hair. "I use a special conditioner using ancient ingredients-"

"Whatever. What are your plans?"

"Well, I was thinking of buying the show. But I have no money. What about you guys?"

"I'm a stuffed bear, Rebecca is eight, and Ishizu is a cheap Miss Cleo knock-off. Do you really think we have money?"

"I'm not a Miss Cleo knock-off! I have actual psychic powers!"

"Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you look into the future and tell us the winning lottery numbers?" Yami suggested.

"I can't do that. It's morally wrong."

"Screw morals, you have psychic powers!"

"Sorry, but I can't do it. There must be other ways to obtain money."

"I could summon the minions of hell to threaten rich people into giving us their money." said Teddy.

"We're not using minions of hell. Next idea, please." Ishizu said.

"Maybe we could sue someone. We'll get a lawyer and-" started Yami.

"Didn't you hear me? I said, no minions of hell. Therefore lawyers are out of the question."

"I could set up a lemonade stand." Rebecca spoke up.

Yami laughed. "Silly child. Who would buy lemonade at this time of year?"

"It's May."

"Exactly. Buying lemonade in summer is so last year."

"I've got it!" Teddy shouted. "Singers make tons of money. I'll captivate the public using my perfect voice."

"No. Just no."

"I'll have you know that I'm a great singer. And I can prove it." Teddy cleared his throat and began to sing:

_Come dream with me tonight_

_(Dream with me tonight)_

_Let's go to far-off places,_

_And search for treasures bright_

"That sounds highly disturbing for some reason." Yami commented as he watched Teddy and Rebecca dance around the room. "This is nearly as bad as that purple dinosaur song. Right, Ishizu?" There was no answer. "Ishizu?" he asked. Still no answer. He turned to her and saw the reason for her silence.

"Earplugs? How did you know to bring-oh yeah, you're psychic." Fortunately for Yami, the song ended then.

"Are you not impressed by my wonderful singing talent?"

"Not really."

Before Teddy could respond, Ishizu spoke up. "It takes too long to earn money singing, that plan won't work. Besides, according to my powers, another ally should be arriving right about now."

Sure enough, loud music began playing from the outside. Yami and the others (except Ishizu) left the warehouse to see who had arrived. What they saw was a most spectacular scene.

There was a blimp, fireworks and a parade. The parade included cheerleaders, chainsaw jugglers, flame-baton twirlers, and acrobats. A little man walked to the front of the warehouse and held up a microphone. "And now, put your hands together for the one, the only: Bakura."

There were more fireworks, some smoke effects and then Bakura made his way to the warehouse.

"Bakura? You're our newest ally?" Yami asked in disbelief.

"Yes, I-"

"Kitty!" squealed Rebecca, running to him.

"Little girl, I'm not a kitty."

"We should continue our talk inside," said Teddy, "people are starting to stare."

Once they were back inside, Yami questioned Bakura. "Why are you suddenly against the show? Didn't it make you a star?"

"Not anymore. I've been fired. Apparently, the producers think I'm a bad role model. So I'm going to turn against them."

"How did you know to come here?"

"That psychic girl told me."

"My name is Ishizu."

"Whatever."

"Kitty, let's have a tea party."

"I'm not a kitty! Little girl, I'm an evil and twisted soul."

"But your hair is all fluffy, like a kitty."

"Get back on topic!" said Yami. "Bakura, you've got money right? You must've been paid tons for that show, right?"

"Right. But I used it all up on that dramatic entrance. "

"My singing will earn tons of money!"

"We are not using that idea!" Yami shouted. "Anyway, I have one idea. We could sell Ryou to a host club."

"In that case, why don't we sell Yugi to Pegasus?" asked Bakura.

"Never!"

"Oh I see. It's okay to sell my hikari, but not yours?"

"That's because I care about my hikari and you don't. Do you?"

"Of course not. I care only for myself and Zorc. "

"And me, right Kitty?"

"Don't call me Kitty. And no, I don't care about you."

"You don't?" Rebecca sniffled.

"Little girl-"

"Kitty hates me!" She sobbed.

"Stop crying little girl." He pulled something from his pocket. "Look, a shiny implement of death. How about I stab Yami in the face? Kids love senseless violence, right?"

"Bakura, you're making it worse." Ishizu walked over and kneeled next to Rebecca. "Here, this will make you feel better." She handed her a lollypop.

"Thank you!" Rebecca cheered up instantly. "I love you Miss Cleo knock-off!"

"I'm not..oh never mind."

Yami cleared his throat. "I'm sad too. Where's my lollypop?"

"I only brought one."

"What?! You dare to bring one lollypop and not give it to me?"

"She's a child."

"I'm a pharaoh."

"The Kitty's stealing my lollypop!"

Ishizu sighed. "Bakura, give it back."

"Never! I'm a great thief, I never give anything back."

"Give it back or else!"

"Or else what?"

"I'll summon the minions of hell to tear you limb from limb!"

"Well, the minions of hell are-look over there!"

Everyone turned their heads. "There's nothing there." muttered Yami. He looked back. "Hey, where'd he go?"

"Damn!" shouted Teddy. "I always fall for that!"

"Hey, why didn't you warn us?" Rebecca asked Ishizu.

"I can't see everything."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. It opened to reveal Mokuba. "Hey, I heard about your plan and I want to help."

"We don't have a plan yet." said Yami. "Besides what do you have against the show?"

"Ever since it got popular, people have been ignoring me. I want it to be like the old days where only big brother ignored me."

"What help can you be? Unless you have access to your brother's bank account, there's nothing you can do."

"I'm not allowed near the money but I know a way for you to earn it."

"How?"

He held up a flyer. Yami moved forward to inspect it. "Hmm..card tournament..Kaiba..big reward."

"This is perfect! Rebecca will win this!"

"No way bear! I'm the duelist champion."

Ishizu sighed. "All this time wasted only to find out that a card game is the solution."

"Isn't that how things always go?" wondered Mokuba. "Everything will inevitably lead to a card tournament."

"That is true. We should probably have all of our friends enter to increase our chances of winning." said Yami. "Somehow it still feels like we wasted the day."

"It wasn't completely wasted." said Mokuba. "I finally got people to listen to me."

"Shut up, Mokuba."

**Author's note: Thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you thought. Also, you get an imaginary cookie if you can guess the song that Teddy sang. There's a hint in his name. :)**


	12. And Serenity will drive the getaway car

**Author's note: Sorry for the long wait. If you've checked my profile recently, you'll know I had computer troubles. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Also, I decided to title the chapters. Each title is a quote from the chapter. **

After he had left the warehouse, Yami had immediately called everyone over to discuss strategies. Now as he was waiting for their arrival, he tried to solve the mystery of Kaiba's new card.

"What could it be? What's more powerful than a god card?" He wondered aloud. "Chuck Norris? Cthulhu? Optimus Prime? I can't win against something like that!"

He was deep in thought when an object in the far corner of the room caught his attention. It was the answer to all his problems.

* * *

Meanwhile, Yugi and the gang were entering through the door. "Yami? Where are you?" called Yugi. Glancing around the room, he soon spotted his friend, who at this point was attempting to climb inside a small wardrobe. "Yami, we've talked about this. You can't run away to Narnia every time something goes wrong."

"But I need to get advice from the Jesus lion." Yami said.

"I told you he doesn't exist."

"What?! But I saw him on the magic box."

"You can't trust everything that's on TV."

"Except for Barney." said Tristan. "He gives candy to little kids and invites them into his van, so you know he's a good guy."

"Umm.. Tristan, I don't remember that happening on Barney. " Joey said.

Tristan shrugged. "Must've been another dinosaur."

"Whatever. Why are we meeting anyway? And why at my place? How'd you even get a key?" Joey suspiciously asked Yami.

"I know a guy. Besides, I think the real question here is: why do you have a wardrobe in the middle of your living room?"

"Serenity has been redecorating."

"That explains why the furniture's upside down." said Tea.

"Nah, that's part of the whole "feng shui" thing. So, why are we meeting?"

"As you all know," began Yami, "Kaiba is having a tournament. Again. But this time, he has a super rare card from E-bay."

"Didn't he have a super rare card at the last tournament?" asked Ryou.

"Yes. But this one is even more rare. I need your help to think of a strategy."

"How about we steal the card?" suggested Joey.

Tea gasped. "Joey! Thievery is wrong. And it's the natural enemy of friendship."

"I thought hatred was the natural enemy of friendship." said Ryou.

"Nope. It's thievery. I saw it on a documentary on the Discovery Channel."

Joey rolled his eyes. "Why watch something so boring when you have the Watching Paint Dry Channel?"

"We didn't come here to discuss paint or friendship." said Yami. "We need a strategy to defeat Kaiba."

"I still think we should just steal the card." said Joey. "Think about it: Ryou flirts with the guards, I scale the building, Tea de-activates the lasers, Yugi turns off the alarm-"

"And Serenity will drive the getaway car!" shouted Tristan. "It's brilliant!"

"Why do I have to flirt with the guards?" complained Ryou.

"Because you're the closest thing to a girl we have." explained Joey.

"Hey!" yelled Tea. "What about me? I actually am a girl."

"Look at him, Tea." said Joey. "He's far more girlier than you. We just stick him in a dress and bam! Instant guard distraction."

"I am not wearing a dress!"

"And we're not stealing the card." said Yugi.

"But I already explained the plan to Serenity." Joey said. He sighed. "I hope I can get a refund on this." He pulled a schoolgirl uniform out of the wardrobe.

"You expected me to wear that?!"

"Come on, it's not so bad. At least I didn't get the nurse uniform."

"Joey, we're not going with your plan." said Yami. "You guys are no help."

"Well, maybe you could find a super special awesome card of your own."

"But where? If only there was some kind of place filled with cards that was continuously getting more cards." said Tristan.

"You mean like a card store?"

"Exactly! But where can we find one?"

"You do know that my grandpa owns one, right?"

"Oh yeah. Let's go!"

"Good thinking, Tristan. We'll go to the store and-" Yami's sentence was cut short as Bakura came crashing through a window.

"Damn. That looked way easier on the magic box." he said. "Anyway, I'm here to take revenge!"

"For what? I thought we were allies now." Yami said.

"Foolish fool! I have no allies. Ryou took the last soda and now all the world shall suffer for it."

"What are you going to do?" asked Tea.

"I'm going to defeat you using these new modern weapons which I stole."

"Modern weapons?"

"Yes. Like this dispenser of the metal of doom!" He shouted, as he took something from his pocket.

"That's a stapler." said Yugi. "It's not a weapon. It's used on paper."

"Damn." Bakura threw the stapler to the side and reached into his other pocket. "But you won't be able to run from the miniature twin blades!"

"Those are scissors." laughed Joey. "What's next? A paperclip? A stick of glue?"

"How dare you laugh at me? Just for that, I'll use my most powerful weapon: the invisible flame sprayer!"

"OMG, pepper spray!" yelled Tea.

"Fool! This contains no pepper, only the burning fire of hell! I know because every time I use it, people yell: Ahh! My eyes are burning."

"People said the same thing when I wore a speedo."

"Tristan, this is no time for joking." said Joey. "Man, if only Serenity were here; I could use her as a shield."

"Shut up! Now that you're at my mercy, I will subject you to the worst torture of all: Twilight."

"Nooo!" yelled Ryou. "Anything but sparkling vampires!"

Bakura laughed maniacally. "Nothing can save you now. You shouldn't have taken the last-" He stopped talking as a familiar song began to play from out of nowhere. "What is that?"

"It it I, Duke Devlin."

"You can't stop me! I have invisible fire spray!"

"But I have something much more powerful." Duke turned to Yugi and the others. "Avert your eyes, I'm about to do something awesome." They obeyed.

"Fool! What can you possibly do to defeat me?"

"This!" Duke shouted as he pulled of his shirt.

"Nooo! Too sexy! I can't handle it!" Bakura ran to the window and jumped.

* * *

"Good job saving us." said Yugi.

"No problem. All I did was take off my shirt."

"You should keep it off. Shirts are overrated."

"Like I already told you before, you couldn't handle the sexiness. Sorry, Tea."

"Since you're already here, want to join us? " asked Yami. "We're going to the card shop."

"Sure."

"I still think my plan was best." said Joey. "But we never use my ideas."

"Maybe next time." Yugi said. "Hey, did you remember to tell Serenity that she doesn't to show up with the getaway car?"

"Umm…"

* * *

"Officer, I'm not drunk. I'm just waiting for my brother to steal a super rare card from KaibaCorp. And then we're going to the beach!"

"Miss, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car."

**So, what did you think? Thanks for reading and please review.**


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